Chaotic Contemplation

strawbs132 @ 2005-05-16T18:08:00

2005-05-16T23:20:00Z

it's kind of good that no one really reads these because that way i can be like completely honest. and also i think the reason i'm writing in it is becuase i really need to keep a journal and while i do sometimes write stuff in like a real notebook, its easier just to do it online because i can do it while i'm writing my english reading log or something (hah like right now).

today was awful. i had a miserable day and i've been on the verge of tears since first period when i did super poorly on my physics test. i already have a 77. its miserable and theres no hope for me now. why am i so stupid? everyone else gets it! how come i just never understand?

anyway that put me in the worst mood... and the day just went downhill from there. i'm behind in creative writing because ms mccarthy is crazy! i mean we just turned in our final and now we have 2 more assignments! she's insane!!

ugh. on a last note, i hate boys. they take up time and energy and omg i waste so much time trying to figure them out when its all pointless anyway.

- nikki

Dunno

2005-05-14T21:51:41Z

I don't know why I chose to update this again... i thought i let my little livejournal/xanga thing die... i have this and xanga... and i've updated them both today... i'm kind of in a really blah mood. that's probably why.

i have a lot on my mind, i don't know most of it's about how my life just isn't going the way i expected... i just dunno i never pictured myself in the sort of situations i put myself into. i was looking over old entries, damn, i miss that life but at the same time i really don't. now it's much more exciting.

depressed becuase i've let 2 people get under my skin in the last few months... 2 guys that i've been emotionally attached to. of course i've forgotten all about will at this point but i mean now that it's happening again i remember that i was in a lot of emotional pain when i found out how little he cared... ugh but its about to happen again only this time it won't be as serious, but it might even hurt me more becuase i really do like the guy...

debating whether to call jp or not tonight. i dunno he kind of blew me off so maybe it's my turn to do the same esp if im emotionally attached.
i'm pissed cuz i have a C in physics. that's so disturbing and still i'm not doing that much about it. god grades suck

whatever i don't really know what else to say

- nikki

Silly Little Quiz

2004-08-06T17:51:57Z

This Or That

1.Originality or Acceptance?: Originality baby!
2.Independence or Companionship?: hmm...a little of both.
3.Stability or Freedom?: Stability!
4.Popularity or Isolation?: Hmm...a little of both. these are hard!
5.Unique or Loved?: unique
6.Understood or Individual?: individual
7.You or Them?: ME!

Other?

1.Ever really cared for someone in that way: hmm...a bit, maybe.
2.Ever had sex: not yet ;) ;)
3.How many hearts have you broken: I don't think I've broken any.
4.How many people broke your heart: none so far
5.So what's your significant other like: I don't have one
6.Do you go more by looks or personality: mostly personality...but I have got to have a little physical attraction!
7.Do you smoke: nah
8.weed: nah
9.Prefer beer or liquor: hmm i don't like hard liquor...so I suppose beer...but I dunno

WOULD YOU EVER ?

1.bungee jump: no! am terrified of heights!
2.Skydive: still scared of heights...
3.Swim with dolphins: yes! how fun!
4.scuba dive: yes
5.Go rock climbing: sure why not?
6.Change your religion: hmm... in the rare event that I turn religious enough to you know, tell people i have a religion...
7.Turn your back on your friends for personal gain: Ummm...yes? Just kidding. Nah. most likely no.
8.Steal a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend: no.
9.Lie to the police: If I had lots of lying practice then sure! lol!
10.Run from the police: hmm no, i'd lie my way out ;)
11.Walk up to a total stranger and kiss them: depends
12.Fight someone you used to be really close with: yes i've done it

HAVE YOU EVER
1.Flashed someone: hehehe... i've always kind of wanted to...hahaha jk
2.Gotten really REALLY wasted: one time
3.Skateboarded: no
4.Skinny dipped: ooh i wish i had used my private pool when i had one!! i would lurrve to skinny dip... but i haven't yet. but i will.
5.Stolen anything from a store: no
6.Kissed someone of the same sex: nope
7.Been to another country: loads and loads!!
8.Talked back to an adult: ooh yeah... my parents
9.Given money to some homeless person: yes
10.Tried to kill yourself: no
11.Cried to get out of trouble: sure!
12.Kissed a friend's brother/sister: nope

THE LAST THING

1.You ate: er pasta for dinner last night... ahh i'm hungry i should go eat lunch
2.You drank: chocolate milk. amazing.
3.The last place you went: Express (the clothing store)
4.Last thing you bought: A wallet
5.Last person you saw: my mum? my brother?
6.Last person you hugged: er... lauren?
7.Last song you heard: Waterfalls by TLC. Love it!

YES OR NO
1.Are you straight: yes!
2.Are you short: very... sob
3.Do you own a hot pink shirt: ooh yeah!
4.Do you like Marilyn Manson: not really
5.Did you ever touch someone else's no-no spot: haha! this cracks me up. but no.
6.Do you shop at Hot Topic: i've bought stuff there before, but honestly, no.
7.Do you remember your dreams: sometimes
8.Can people read you like a book: No!
9.Do you talk alot: depends on who I'm with. i love talking face to face.
10.Are you afraid of clowns: yeah a little
11.Can you drive: hopefully i get my license next week.
12.Are you an only child: no, i have a little brother.

I love these things. They're so fun when you're bored! :)

Hello Again

2004-07-10T23:32:18Z

It has been a while since I've updated this thing, probably cuz like, nobody reads it :). Whatever. Or that nobody coughShereancough is bugging me to update it. Anyhoo, a lot has happened since I last did this.

I have begun my last leg of summer, with about a month left before school starts (ok, a lil over a month, but I'm feeling pessimistic). In June I visited The Netherlands, which was totally great and I had an amazing time there w/ my cousin and stuff. Loads of fun. I've been to Dallas twice this summer and had a great time with Jupin (well... she was a bit obssessed w/ her bf) w/ the dance stuff and everything.

Right now my mum's invited people over for dinner, people with lots and lots of... yeah, little kids. So my Saturday evening is shot and I'll be entertaining little children. It's not that bad; I'll just pop in a movie if they get too antsy. So I gotta go, you know, help with the coming guests and all of that stuff.

strawbs132 @ 2004-06-03T23:49:00

2004-06-04T15:30:48Z

Hello, again.

Let's see... it is now SUMMER and therefore I am very happy. I love having nothing much to do and just wasting my time away. On another note, this inactivity leads to weight gain which is very BAD.

Must watch exercise videos this summer. What more fun way to lose weight than by watching flashy colors and men with ambiguous sexualities scream "That's the way uh-huh uh-huh!" through your TV monitor?

Nothing beats it, I tell you. Nothing!

It's like 10:30 a.m. right now. And I only woke up like an hour ago but it feels like I've been up for a long time. I don't have anything to do! That's a good thing, but it also kind of sucks because I'm really bored.

Well, gotta go. More later.

Amused

2004-05-14T04:07:22Z

Hey, check this one out:

Your Love Situation by Amberishjewel
Username?
Your Love Is...	Fiery
During Lovemaking You Act...	Like a child, always playing
Your Partner Is...	Your master
Your Partner Has Said That You...	Are their bitch
Your Love is Summed Up In A Quote.	"I love thee wild with desire"

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

^It's funny because Sherean and I were just talking about, er, the art of lovemaking. How romantic. It's funny that I'd be their bitch, but I can see that... even though I love being in control. Weird.
Those things are so amusing. And so not opportune for right now since I'm actually really tired and should go to bed.

All right then. Sweet dreams. To me.

Hello Again

2004-05-12T02:17:45Z

Well so much for that I'm-going-to-update-a-lot thing I had planned. I don't really know what I do with my time. It just sort of evaporates, I suppose. Because one moment I'm waking up, grumbling because I hate to get up at unearthly hours and the next moment I'm upset because its eleven at night and I still have things to do.

Where does it go? What is time anyway? Is time something humans made up or was it predefined by a higher power? Do we all have a certain amount of time that we are given at birth or do our actions influence our time?

Sorry, everyone. Feeling a bit philosophical today. Anyway, on to more concrete stuff. Today were the auditions for Acting Company. See, I can't make Acting Company because I dropped the musical earlier this year, but I was still required to try out. Drives me up the wall. Had to sit there from 4:30 to 7 and listen to people do the same scenes over and over again (People he was actually interested in). It was extraordinarily boring.

I think I'll go now. I have to do some math homework and also history, have a huge Spanish project due tomorrow and final exams are only a week and a half away! Does this mean anything to me? Absolutely not. Just an excuse to go do other unnecessary stuff.

~Nikki~

Stuff!

2004-04-17T16:52:36Z

Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:	Jazz Cat
Your Favorite Band/Song	Birthday Massacre - Over
You Like To Read:	Anything political
You Firmly Believe In:	Free love
Everyone Thinks You Are:	OMG WAY HOTT LOLZ
You Were Conceived:	In the mall
You Will Marry:	Fidel Castro

Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

^hahah, this made me laugh so hard. Fidel Castro...oh, yeah, he's sooo hot... mmm gotta love my dictator Cubans, right? Anyway, next point of address:

You are a fire shadow. The feathery glow of your
source makes you spritely and active. You love
to experience many things and you want to take
in the entire world. You are constantly
flickering, darting from one experience to the
next. You have heat, energy, magic, and
charisma and hold the power of beauty and
destruction. However, the dying of your embers
is a corrupting fear. Learn to accept that you
cannot possess so much raw energy
forever.(please rate my quiz cuz it took me for
freaking ever to create)

What Kind of Shadow Are You? (with gorgeous pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

^I LOVE fire, so I guess that works out. Too bad the pics never show up on these things, cuz fire is sooo pretty :P. Yeah well my life is kind of blah right now. I saw the dance show yesterday; some of the choreography projects were really, really good!

Well, that's all I really have to say right now. I have to leave soon to see the Acting Company's performance of Trojan Women... again. I already saw it yesterday, why do I have to see it twice! I hate that rule. I cried once. I don't want to cry again; it was just the kind of play you see once, appreciate, remember, but you don't want to see it again. Aren't I lucky...

Finally Interesting

2004-04-08T02:38:40Z

I found an interesting quiz; it's different from all the other ones out there so check it out.

1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:

'Ah wouldn't dirty mah hands on yuh. But first thing in de mornin' de overseer will take you to de whippin' post and tie you down on yo' knees and cut de hide offa yo' yaller back. - Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?

CD case next to my computer

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?

Oh, this'll take a while... probably the Simpsons, and that was probably four or five days ago.

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is:

9:19

5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?

9:23

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

Crickets outside, weird noises from the kitchen... uh-oh, must go check on that.

7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?

Two hours ago, I think, to make a phone call from my cell cuz it doesn't really have service in the house

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?

Uh my English paper, and then I decided it was decidedly boring compared to a quiz.

9: What are you wearing?

Faint pink oxford type of shirt + plaid, baggy pajama bottoms :)

10: Did you dream last night?

Yeah

11: When did you last laugh?

Uhh, on the phone w/ Sherean, when she said something about ears. Big ones. ;)

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?

Umm, my walls are white, with like two posters, some pictures of me as a little kid, and, uhh shelves of ... old stuff

13: Seen anything weird lately?

A funky ad for a pen. It was sexual... but it was for a pen. Go figure.

14: What do you think of this quiz?

Much more interesting than your boring old, "Have you ever been in love? Oh, really, no, when'd you have your first kiss? Not yet, okay, well, holding hands?" sort of quiz.

15: What is the last film you saw?

The Whole Nine Yards. It's interesting and funny, I'd recommend it to anyone looking for something light and a bit silly.

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?

Uh, a car, possibly a 4Runner just cuz I really like them but hey if I were a multi-millionaire I'd buy a house, too. And lots of *cool* clothes. ;) Slave to society, baby.

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:

I write way too much poetry.

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

Um, free healthcare, free medical assistance, communism- sort of society- I know it doesnt' work but you got to agree, its a Good idea! The 1000 richest people in the world should... share their wealth, or something.

19: Do you like to dance?

Yeah.

20: George Bush: is he a power-crazy nutcase or some one who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?

Power-crazy nutcase. I don't like him very much as a President, I am anti-war anyway and... well... that just sums it up.

21a: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

Oh, this is a toughie- either Amethyst or Xandy or Arianna.

21b: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?

Aidan.

22: Would you ever consider living abroad?

Most definitely. I want to live in Europe, particularly England or Spain.

Till the end...

2004-04-04T23:47:34Z

So, just took this interesting little thing:

Who will you be stuck with at end of time? by chi_a_baidh
Your name is
Your sex is
Your favorite color is
You are stuck there because	you murdered everyone else
For _____ years	37
With
He/She will think you are	horny
You will	make a coconut radio

Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

^hey, he's hot, and I'm a murderer. That's okay. It's what I always thought I'd be anyway ;). Just playing.

In other news, school's a bitch right now. Bah. So much work and chemistry is hard for me as usual and since I have a 90 flat I got to work to keep the grade... something I'm not used to. I usually let my grades go, lol.

Anyway, thanks for the comments, keep commenting and I will update [someday].

Get Sorted

2004-04-02T04:23:51Z

be sorted @ nimbo.net

^for all of you that like Harry Potter... wow, I'm evil :)But haha, Slytherin is so my favorite house and my favorite character in the books has to be Draco Malfoy. I do like Hermione a lot and Harry's cool as well. But no one beats the Slytherins; I feel bad for them, they're so misunderstood!

strawbs132 @ 2004-03-31T16:42:00

2004-03-31T22:50:11Z

It didn't take me a year to update this LJ. Be proud.

Today was the shit...let's see, definitely failed a math test b/c definitely forgot to take home study material. Gonna flunk, can't graduate, ahhh... okay, I'm exaggerating, but seriously, my grades are so low that... okay, can't finish that without looking like a complete moron, so I'm just going to leave that thought.

Hmm, what else of interest has happened so far? Damn. Can't thing of a single thing except for the fact that I still exist. How cool is that.

I loved everyone that commented on my oh-so-informative-and-"interesting" first post. It made me happy, for a few moments.

Sherean, I envy your updating speed. Same goes for all of you that update everyday. Perhaps one day, I too, will be like you... but where's the fun in that?! ;)

Nada

2004-03-26T23:42:40Z

Well, well, I got a LiveJournal of my own because Sherean and I broke up- just kidding- we just cited artistic differences. We really do have them. She likes Tabular Indent! ARGH!

Sorry, got a little carried away there.

Has anyone ever heard that song Splash Waterfalls by Ludacris? I can't get it out of my head! It's okay, I mean, yeah, it's good, but this is getting *really* annoying.

Well, that's enough for now. I'm out.

~nikki